I wanted to start this yesterday... but like everything else in my life I procrasitanted... I forgot... whatever the reason I didn't do it.... but today is here, and so I am I... at almost 50.
I haven't had a hard time with a birthday since I was 25... guess I'm due, right. Ever since I was 25, a birthday didn't matter... I was just happy with my life. Some of my choices weren't always the best... but I've had a good life... so why am I now having a hard time with turning 50???
One reason, every time I look at myself in the mirror I see a happy, wife and mother.... although I am unhappy with my weight... and how hard it's been to lose it since I've had my daughter at 44... but mostly when I see pictures of myself... I get depressed... I see how very old I am looking... it's funny how different I see myself in the mirror and what pictures show... ugh...
I don't want to be one of those old looking mom's... who people mistake for my daughter's grandmother... and it embarrasses her. I don't want to be vain... I don't want to be one of those 50 year old women who wear clothes that are too young for them (I saw one of those yesterday... wow, what a shocker... sad really). I don't want to keep thinking I wish... I wish I was 30... I wish I could have another chance... I wish I could have more children...
I want to stop regretting the little things... I don't want to stop the wishing... so instead, I've decided to grab the bull by the horn... and start this blog... start looking at what I have.... at nearly 50... and appreciate it... enjoy what I have.... I guess my thinking is if I do this blog, it may help me get over the number in the 30-ish days...
That's it for today... tomorrow I'll start puting down my fifty things that makes my life special... if only to me...
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